The Lost Honeymoon

..... Jimmy and Mary Lou went on a "working honeymoon" in Vegas. ...Actually they got married there rather late one evening, just before a viology conference was to begin the next day where they were to present their antiviral work. ...As they all went their ways to get settled into their rooms in different hotels, the "just marrieds" taxied over to Circus Circus, checked in, and on their way up to their assigned room, Mary Lou found $10 on the elevator floor. ...Giddy, she wanted to "spend" it, so she left Jimmy and rushed down from the huge hotel complex to the floor of the casino. ...Quickly she lost all the money; depressed, she went into a little restaurant called the Pink Pony, where she found some newly installed on-line computers. ...For awhile she putters around for awhile contemplating e-mailing her parents to tell them of her plight, but it was so embarrassing that she erased her long message rather than send it. ...She thought back to how fast her money vanished and how she hoped to present her new husband with the Megabucks® millions. ...She absently types in "I want to be a millionaire" and gets a match, which when clicked gains an on-line questionaire for the game show, but all the questions are way beyond her ken. ...As her coffee is being served she asked the waitress who tells the right answer. ...The next question is answered by a passing waiter. ...As the Pink Pony was not busy, others in the waitstaff huddle around helping Mary Lou answer the questions. ...When the submit button was pressed, she was almost instantly notified that she had a perfect set of answers and was automatically invited to join Remus Fillin on his show across the continent in New York City. ...And the Airline tickets will be Fedex'd to her.

..... Excitedly, of course, she wants to show Jimmy, but all the adenoline has erased her memory of where their room is - which of the three huge towers? ...which of the floors? ...The front desk won't tell her where Jimmy is because her last name on her drivers license doesn't match his or his address. ... Alas, she fails to think that she could ask them to call him and have him come down for her. ...She wanders off. ...She beseeches several other staff to help her, but to no avail as wilted, and out-of-place or "misplaced" persons are so common place in this city that no one gives her the time of day. ... She ends up spending the whole night wandering more and more aimlessly in this huge complex. ...After watching the Flying Walendas perform three times, she wanders out onto the "The Strip" out front to see what all the commotion is about. For a little while she gets caught up as a few bands march by with fireworks going off overhead. Finally, exhausted, she goes back to the friendly staff in the Pink Pony. ...In a frustrated daze she was a zombie for most of the remainder of the hours of darkness.

..... The next morning, Jason and Wilbie meet Jimmy, as pre-arranged and tease him about what it is like being an old married man. ...He said he doesn't know - because Mary Lou disappeared. ...Of course, he is not believed.

..... Elsewhere, Cheryl and Dr. Sevick ran into Mary Lou, who was totally wasted from so little sleep and so much anxiety. Of course, she cannot convince Cheryl and Dr. Sevick of the real reason for her lack of sleep. ...But Cheryl was distracted and wanted to show off the new dress that Dr. Sevick had bought for her late the day before, and gave the prof a hug. ...Soon Mary Lou checked with the desk for her Fedex'd tickets. ...With them in hand she turned and discovered Jimmy and the two boys. What happiness! ...But now they are informed that they must all rush off to NYC.

..... Because only Mary Lou needed to show up 5 hrs early at the TV studio, and Jimmy wanted to spend his time with his new bride, the others wandered over to Rochefeller Institute to visit with one of Wilbie's aunts who was a virologist in the environmental sciences department and had interests in treating sewage wastes to eliminate the unwanted passage of various human viruses through the treatment process. ...When the gang (sans Mary Lou and Jimmy, of course) mentioned their interests, Dr. Mindersen asked her nephew to give a brief presentation over lunch to her department. ... So out came the slides that were to be shown in Vegas.

He first showed the slides that you readers have already seen, and then he went on to their new work. ...Cheryl was invited to come forward to talk about her work of showing a staining of the gels for proteins (Fig. 1). ...Jason's slides led the assemblege to the next step by staining for lipids (Fig. 2).

..... Finally Wilbie showed data using both molecular sieves (Fig.3).

..... Then Wilbie showed two slides of old-fashioned paper chromatography of two solvent types. ...In his excitement he overlooked emphasizing more forcefully what the two solvents were in each of the two following illustrations (Figs. 4 and 5).

..... As one of the ten contestants, she wins the speed race to putting a group of items in some specified order by placing her hands over her eyes and punching buttons randomly. ...On the hot seat, sitting in front of Remus, she is dead tired. ...Remus makes sure to tell the audience that she is a newly wed of only yesterday. ... "I'm sorry, Mr. Fillin, I didn't hear you. I'm exhausted - didn't get any sleep last night." ... The audience snickers. ..."I understand," says Remos. "What did you hear last night?" ..."Funny you should ask. ...I did hear some bands playing and fireworks." ...The audience burst into uproarious laughter, as do people all over the country, who are rolling on their floors in laughter in front of the TV's at this wonderfully humorous newly wed bride who seems to hold nothing back. ... Jimmy, in the audience, gets lots of understanding slaps on the back. ...But he wisely decides to accept them rather than try to corroborate his wacky wife's true embarrassing story as she starts telling it - all to the disbelief of all around her.

..... Finally comes the first question for $100, and Mary Lou doesn't know the answer and used her "ask the audience" lifeline; the same ignorance prevailed for the $200 question, and she had to "call a friend." ... "This is Remus, is this Ronald Crump?" A very familar voice came on to the surprise of everyone except Mary Lou and her retinue. ... He, of course, found the question easy to answer. ... So before the $500 question was asked, Remus wondered how she managed to get Ronald to pair up with her. ... "Oh, he's another one from whom I took a lot of money." ...Then came the $500 question, and she used her 50-50 lifeline so that two of the four answers (both wrong) were taken away leaving her with a 50-50 proposition. ...So she glibbly flipped a coin, and said that it indicated a certain answer, which was right. ...The audience was becoming suspicious of this young woman's feigned ignorance - "how did we know that she got tail? ...We didn't see it." ... Nonetheless all lifelines were gone, and here cames the $1000 question. ..."Eenie, meenie, minie, moe; catch a tiger by the.." ...And eventually the finger came down on the right answer! ...During one of the short "let's-get-to-know-the-contestant breaks, Cheryl has nice things to say about ML, and then suddenly slips in an appreciative remark turning to the professor next to her - "I also want everyone to know: ...Thanks, Mom, for buying me this new dress." ... Anyway, and much to the glee of the audience, by flipping coins, and all sorts of other whimsies Mary Lou works herself up to winning $250,000. The audience believes all this is an act on ML's part. ... Only her "gang" knows real truth.

..... Just then ML's cell phone beeps to the anger of the TV execs. ... "Hello?...Oh, hi, Dr. Mindersen....Really?...Really?...You mean you think our group discovered something important for world health?...Oh, wait a moment, Remus Fillin wants to talk with you....No, I'm not kidding." ... "Dr. Mindersen, this is Remus Fillin and Mary Lou is just about to try the $500,000 question, so if she can call you back in a few minutes...yes, I will tell her...good bye!" ... "Mary Lou, she wishes you good luck. ...Personally I don't think you need it, and the audience was now assured that Mary Lou was a terrific act of ignorance and only an act.

..... The heavy electronic music booms its momentousness. ... "The question is: ... There are no general pharmaceuticals for controlling infections which one of the following: bacteria, fungi, viruses, protozoans?" ... Mary Lou ticked off each one: there are chemicals - antibiotics of one sort or another that affect each of those. ...Remus, none of those are the right answer."

..... "Oh, I am so sorry Mary Lou, but there are no known general anti-viral agents." ... "But wait a minute, Remus! ...Just this past week, my partners discovered one. ... That was what Dr. Mindersen was telling me on the phone just now." ...Remus and the other execs were not pleased to be told they were wrong twice in the history of this program, and their red and angry faces showed it. ...Just then, to her aid, popped up a couple in the audience. ...They said that they were a husband and wife team at the National Institutes of Health, and they had heard about this, and their group had corroborating evidence. ... So the station execs could say nothing but to allow this surprising young lass to continue.

..... And so they did. ... Finally comes on-screen the $1 million question. ... Mary Lou looks shocked, jumps out of the chair, frets and stamps around before getting back in the chair. ... "I have an inkling that the answer is -, I'll just have to take a stab at..." ..."We interrupt this program for a breaking news story. ... The class has just read their last Mary Lou Quiz."

..... But before you escape, what is the chemical nature of this momentous thing that is a general virus inactivator? ... Draw some pictures...structures......And there is one final point to ponder:... will Mary Lou ever become Ronald Crump's press secretary in the White House?

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